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BANana's
Sunday, October 22, 2006:
2nd john 3:8
Allenini // 11:57 PM
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Monday, October 16, 2006:
what a crappy day.... what a crappy quarter its going to be.
Allenini // 10:06 PM
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006:
I've had a lot of time on my hands... to think about everything.. everything thats happened in the past year... and i've decided that i cant live another year like this... i cant be stuck here in this current state anymore. I cant handle the pressures of everyone expecting so much more out of me... and the guilt i feel when i fail them...and i'm afraid that if i stay like this... i might go crazy.. and one day i may do something irrational... so pleasee.... if you value me... my life... who i am... try just to be a good friend to me... i'm begging... with a bowl of ice cream... and cherries on top.
We've all been left with deep scars... and i feel like the stitches in my heart are tearing at the flesh.. So i'm trying my best ... for our sakes.. to just heal. IF you cant be just a friend... walk away now.... i dont want anyone to wait for me anymore... i'm afraid that i wont be ready for another relationship..until a later time.. that might be far in the future... i've come to realize... that i'm not mature enough... I'm unable to cope with the mental aspect of an intimate relationship... though i'm happy for the moment...my heart fills with guilt .... i dont know... or understand why that is... but this is just how i feel... and i cant help the way i feel.. please.. help me get out of this state...
I was thinking... this week... that maybe it would be best for me to just leave completely... but.... i've dealt with tough situations in this manner in the past... just walking away... avoiding it completely... and nothing ever gets solved. So please... if you value my friendship at all.. please try your best .... to be a good friend.
Allenini // 12:31 PM
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Friday, October 06, 2006:
i'm having deja vu... i may or may not make it past this weekend... i have a bad feeling....
Allenini // 7:23 PM
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Thursday, October 05, 2006:
be strong... for the sake of living on...
Allenini // 11:06 PM
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http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=dragonash4ya
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I'm like a VCR.....I'm easily replaced, but not easily fixed....
Do something that i'm proud of... be proud of what i do
Look to the future... but remember the past.
My #1 lesson to anyone... DOn't assume what u don't know... and you don't know anything... everythings constantly changing, be open to addapting to alternate thoughts and viewpoints. Don't be so sure of yourself
I feel like i need to talk to you but for once in my life I don't know what to say.
I feel as if something went horibbly wrong and that i'm the one to pay.
If i were to travel back in time a year from now ... and tell my young self how it would be.
He wouldn't believe me or understand what I see.
I'd beg and beg for him to make the right choice.
So when I returned to the future, I could rejoice.
But instead of revealing myself i'll keep things this way.
And it looks as though this is how it will to stay.
Allen's plans hm...
i needa finish up any projects before the 25th
25th surgery, then after that no more physical activity for a while (6 weeks aprox.)
Chill for a while until the 13th. Then time for boston... be back on the 20th.
It'd be easier to just fly to san diego direct. But Daniel's parents wanted me to help
dan move in.... hm....
ok major dates:
25th Goodbye to my pointy nipple... we had some good times... i'll miss you
13th-20th boston.
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