BANana's

Wednesday, August 31, 2005:

scan family pictures
re-record song
wallpaper bathroom?
Allenini // 8:39 PM

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"Pain relieving patch".... will it work if i put u on my heart.
Allenini // 3:11 PM

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005:

There are so many amazing people in this world once u get to know them... I can understand why God felt the need to create them
Allenini // 11:30 AM

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Its a shame that when we are young we all have so many dreams and aspirations, but can only choose one to actually live. I wish I could have become a musician.

Self asteem: why would a world ever need someone like me?

Timeline:
June 25th, Saturday- basketball, horse
June 26th, Sunday- tennis, pain
June 27th, monday- pain worsens
June 28th Tuesday- ER
NExt few weeks- labs atleast 20+ veils 8xrays etc6 hospital visits
August 13th Diagnosis

2months , days, hours, minutes since i've felt a pain free day. When the day comes when I can experience another pain free day i'm gonna dancee wooot.

"From down town. " Explain the meaning, an incredible, impossible shot. Team of short asians. Finals.




I hope you dont mind... that i put down in words, how wonderful life is... now that ur in my world.


Good Will Hunting... is movie about a boy mathmatical genious that works as a janitor.... so we find out that he was abused as a child, and as a result, whenever he meets someone and is about to form a meaningful/trusting relationship with someone, he ends up pushing them away by flipping out/getting into an argument and usually scares off the person. When Matt damon and robin williams reach that point, it's at a psychiatric session or what not. Matt damon and robin willims sit for an hour, and neither of them speak and they spend the next few sessions like this. As time goes on Matt damon realizes that robin williams has put in a good deal of time and effort into their relationship and is someone worth trusting.
Allenini // 1:12 AM

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Monday, August 29, 2005:

Eh, From someones profile

never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved
don't wish it were easier, wish you were better
Allenini // 12:42 PM

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Friday, August 26, 2005:

THere's always a reason to stand in the way



ALiuzer: i gotto go?
ALiuzer: byee
poppy: lol ok
poppy: have fun at the wedding
poppy: bybey
ALiuzer: thanks
ALiuzer: miss you
ALiuzer: byeee
poppy: aw me too
poppy: byebye
ALiuzer: liar
ALiuzer: lol
ALiuzer: bye
poppy: lol
poppy: FINe
poppy: dnt believe me
ALiuzer: fine!
ALiuzer: lol;
poppy: haha
poppy: BYE
Allenini // 8:56 PM

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Dangiet.... the barber cut my hair... tooooo short . I hate when u say, "take a l ittle off" and then they take a whole lot... i was in the process of growing my hair out too.... now its back to square one... atleast my bangs are still kinda longish.... kinda...asdfawegljalkg
Allenini // 8:20 PM

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will you still be here for me, will you still be in my life... 1... 2 years down the line... 5 years... 8 , to 10 years maybe forever? or will u be someone that just fades in and out of my life for only a moment? please... dont be another blur in my momery...


and it scares me the most when u run so fast, because the pain in my legs would never allow me to catch up. but i'd still chase the shadows until i had nothing left.
Allenini // 5:19 PM

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Graduate ASAP. Stay focused, its gonna be another tough year. Stay Healthy, have a balanced life style. LIMiT AIM usage. STUDY... hard.. play hard. Dont look to the sides, only forward, know where you're going. I've dissapointed myself...I'm so sorry... i am not worthy... of..
Allenini // 12:10 AM

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Thursday, August 25, 2005:

i guess the last thing i can really do for you is protect you from myself.
Allenini // 12:18 PM

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005:

Tomorrows probably the last day we'll be hanging out before i go back to sd... u'll be busy with school, i'll be busy getting ready to go back, perhaps life will go back to how it used to be when i am in school again.
Allenini // 10:05 PM

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Monday, August 22, 2005:

its funny how a little bit of pain can cause so much hesitation in my body. I tell it to do something, but when the pain hits, my body decides not to do it anymore. i guess i should get used to the pain... yeah i guess thats all i can do. HLA-B27 i hate you. LoL bringiet

"About 8 percent of Caucasians in the United States and about 2 percent of African Americans are HLA-B27 positive."

I got a confirmation from my doctor on friday.... now i'm part of that statistic.
http://www.arthritis.org/AFStore/StartRead.asp?idProduct=3561

F- you you peice of crap. Why do i have to be so special. So my biggest fear now is that one day, i will have to depend on others to help me live a normal life... i'm afraid that my existence will hinder others.... i dont want to be bothersome and one day they will also grow tiresome of my existance. I'd rather die alone than drag someone down with me. I am a genetic flaw... am i allen.


So why dont i like using my inhaler when i have asthma, why dont i take tylonal when i have a headache, why dont i want to take drugs that relieve my symptoms, i guess its because of my pride. The moment i use that inhaler, the moment i swallow that pill, its like i am admitting this : "hello world, i am handicapped, my body is inferior to someone elses, I depend on a drug in order to live a normal life while others do not.... my body is weak... " But i guess i can keep fighting the odds. even though genetically evolution should have killed me off, i will try my best to live a full and normal life. :-) "When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Life your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying." I'm sorry to anyone who i try and push away, its only because i dont want to be a burden to u.
Allenini // 11:06 PM

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Saturday, August 20, 2005:

I am the genetic flaw known as Allen. Evolution, come challenge me, I dare you.
Allenini // 9:37 PM

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Friday, August 19, 2005:

What hurts the worst is when ur parents dont even have faith in you. i wonder what its like... to expect nothing from life.
Allenini // 11:43 PM

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Thursday, August 18, 2005:

Am i wrong to say that the point of life is to make connections to as many people as possible?
Allenini // 6:03 PM

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Sunday, August 14, 2005:

There were a few things that were embedded i my mind while i was growing up ... 1. i'd have to deal with arthritis at some point in my life. 2. i'd die at an early age, sometime before i get married.
Allenini // 2:09 PM

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I needa get out of here.. there's helluv random people in our house... its home... but not. One of the roomates living here is getting married soon.. so her sister and mom are here... her fiance... its like i'm living in someone elses home now.
Allenini // 1:20 PM

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Saturday, August 13, 2005:

is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time.. maybe i'm just sad and dont care...."i want a perfect body..."
Allenini // 11:05 PM

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lester burnham; but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure. but don't worry... you will someday.
ricky fitts; sometimes there's so much beauty in the world i feel like i can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

i remember that scene, its like he took words right out of my mouth. Its from the movie American beauty
Allenini // 10:09 PM

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005:

C'mon doctor merin, pick up ur stupid phone, why did u call me.


God is not proud...He will have us
even though we have shown that we
prefer everything else to Him.

He whispers to us in our pleasures,
speaks in our conscience, but shouts
in our pains: it is His megaphone to
rouse a deaf world.


the problem of pain
c.s. lewis
Allenini // 1:17 PM

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Monday, August 08, 2005:

damn... i've been working so hard in school this past year..... i think i can finally take a break.......that sounds so nice.... finally just get to rest...just rest....rest.....

ALiuzer: heywliusrtl: yeahALiuzer: my knee is swollenwliusrtl: is it swollen big?ALiuzer: its noticablewliusrtl: is the indocin helpingwliusrtl: ?ALiuzer: i took some like 5 hours agowliusrtl: you should go to the doctor tomorrow right awayALiuzer: it shoudln't be waring off this soonALiuzer: i'm going in the morningwliusrtl: yeah... does it hurt?wliusrtl: they should stick a needle in it and drain some fluidALiuzer: kwliusrtl signed on at 1:37:21 AM. wliusrtl: do you have a fever or any other symptoms?ALiuzer: i think imightwliusrtl: you think you might have what?wliusrtl: take your temperatureALiuzer: yeah my head doesn't feel goodwliusrtl: do you feel sickALiuzer: yeahwliusrtl: you should go to the doctor tonightwliusrtl: do you feel like throwing up?ALiuzer: noALiuzer: just fever i thinkALiuzer: a little bit of a headachewliusrtl: take your temperature nowALiuzer: kwliusrtl: let me know what it is?wliusrtl: iswliusrtl: what time is your appointment?ALiuzer: 10wliusrtl: do you think you can hold off until then or do you feel pretty sick?wliusrtl: you should go soonwliusrtl: to the erwliusrtl: you might have an infected kneeALiuzer: i feel okALiuzer: just tiredwliusrtl: is your knee red?ALiuzer: nowliusrtl: you should go to the er as soon as possiblewliusrtl: your knee may be infectedALiuzer: what about the rest of my bodywliusrtl: what about it?wliusrtl: it may be relatedwliusrtl: you may have developed an infection because of a weakened immune systemALiuzer: icwliusrtl: it would be better if you go to the ER as soon as possiblewliusrtl: is there one nearby?wliusrtl: Kaiser?wliusrtl: can someone take you?ALiuzer: no its farALiuzer: everyones sleepingALiuzer: i can sleep through the nightALiuzer: i'll go in the morningALiuzer: its a early appointmentwliusrtl: ok. but if you start feeling worse... go right awaywliusrtl: call me.ALiuzer: kwliusrtl: are you still in class now?wliusrtl: maybe you should take some time off and go back to WCwliusrtl: if you don't feel well, you should drop the current class and go home and get some restwliusrtl: when does the official quarter start?ALiuzer: its already been a weekwliusrtl: that's alrightwliusrtl: just let them know and get a doctor's noteALiuzer: kwliusrtl: are you feeling pretty lousy right now?ALiuzer: iALiuzer: m okALiuzer: the usual, when i'm about to get sickwliusrtl: set an alarm and if you wake up and it's worse... wake someone up to take you to the hospitalALiuzer: kwliusrtl: yeah, you should drop the class and go home and restwliusrtl: this isn't goodwliusrtl: tell mom to send me all the test results by emailALiuzer: i'll get doctor hashimoto to email itwliusrtl: that will be good wliusrtl: does mom know that your pain is not getting better?ALiuzer: noALiuzer: i told her it was gradually getting betterALiuzer: i dont want her to worry wliusrtl: you should drop the class and go home as soon as possible... otherwise I don't think it will get better.wliusrtl: stress may be related


i'll do everything.... in the morning.... i'm too tired now.. i miss you dad...
Allenini // 1:48 AM

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can i promise myself a better life?
If i cant then why should i try?
Allenini // 1:36 AM

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Sunday, August 07, 2005:

its not enough to succeed but to excel
Allenini // 7:30 PM

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I'm sorry if i dont understand the context of the story written by your left hand.
Allenini // 4:14 PM

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i'm afraid that if i fall asleep tonight, i might not ever wake up.
Allenini // 1:35 AM

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Saturday, August 06, 2005:

I can see a war occuring between china and the US sometime in the future. China is getting too powerful.
Allenini // 10:52 PM

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crap, i got a B+ in signals and systems.. thats no good.... crap
Allenini // 9:29 PM

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someone.. fix my body.. pleaseee....
Allenini // 6:08 PM

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Thursday, August 04, 2005:

so i needa call the pharmacy to see if i have more indomethacine to pick up and the phone call goes something like this

"if you have a mail box number please enter it now, if you do not have a touch tone telephone or need assistance please stay on the line.... please enter the number now..... or stay on the line for assistance.... *click call ended..... "
Allenini // 8:42 AM

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I commend you kaiser perminente for your crappy service, it will be the death of me.

in related news, i cant walk anymore. for the rest of the day, i will sit in my bed and starve to death until kaiser calls me back.
Allenini // 8:35 AM

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Tuesday, August 02, 2005:

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eyeYou're just like an angel, your skin makes me cryYou float like a featherIn a beautiful worldI wish I was specialYou're so fuckin' specialBut I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoWhat the hell am I doing here?I don't belong hereI don't care if it hurts, I wanna have controlI want a perfect body, I want a perfect soulI want you to notice, when I'm not aroundYou're so fuckin specialI wish I was specialBut I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoWhat the hell am I doing here?When I don't belong here, ohhh ohhhhShe's running out again...She's running out, she runs, runs, runs, runs....she runs....Whatever makes you happyWhatever you wantYou're so fuckin' specialI wish I was specialBut I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoWhat the hell am I doing here?I don't belong hereI don't belong here
Allenini // 10:23 PM

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i cant sleep... theres too much pain in my body.
Allenini // 7:15 AM

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Monday, August 01, 2005:

I'm out of Indomethacin. Its gonna start hurting soon... actually i have 2 pills left... but i'll save them for a special occasion.
Allenini // 11:55 PM

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can i just stare atcha
Allenini // 4:15 PM

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HI, my name is allen liu... and i'm an ass. Sorry for having to deal with me, and for any damage i've done in your lives... Thank you for accepting me for who i am.
Allenini // 3:09 AM

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i miss having a home... i miss having a family
Allenini // 2:56 AM

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