BANana's
Sunday, November 30, 2003:
xBIGKIMx: gnite
ALiuzer: gnite
xBIGKIMx: see you tomorrow honey
ALiuzer: bye sweety
ALiuzer: Heyo
DETHMANXXX: hello there
ALiuzer: whats up
DETHMANXXX: im just lyin in your bed naked
ALiuzer: ...
ALiuzer: are u back in SD already?
ALiuzer: or you mean my house bed
DETHMANXXX: yep
ALiuzer: ok
Allenini // 12:19 AM
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Saturday, November 29, 2003:
Azn Lozer 4 Life: how's the app goin?
ALiuzer: eh crappy
ALiuzer: i dun feel like doing it anymore
Azn Lozer 4 Life: where did u wanna transfer?
ALiuzer: berk
Azn Lozer 4 Life: k
ALiuzer: its prolly not gonna happen though
Azn Lozer 4 Life: thats gonna be tuff
Azn Lozer 4 Life: uc->uc
Allenini // 11:43 PM
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ALiuzer: haha yeah
ALiuzer: i just realized something ironic
ALiuzer: when people do kung fu or martial arts
ALiuzer: they say Aiya
ALiuzer: ok nevermind
x iam a mai x: nd then wen mexicans say it they go "aiyayaya"?
x iam a mai x: lol nvm too
ALiuzer: hahahh
Allenini // 12:44 AM
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Friday, November 28, 2003:
Went to audreys suprise birthday party today... it was fun, but at the same time it was sad. at one point a few of us were talking about how much we missed jon.. remembered how he lived his life. How he was always joking around, even about his heart problem, he never told anyone it was terminal... that in the end that it would determine how long his life would last, But he was never afraid of it. He never let it control his life, and he just lived life like he had nothing to loose... I Left the party early. gotto work on this transfer app... i'm probably gonna end up half assing it. Got too much school work and other stuff on my mind right now... guess it wasn't meant to be.
Allenini // 11:58 PM
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Thursday, November 27, 2003:
wow..... thanks giving.... :-).... wow..... today has been pretty crazy....
i'll write about it later i guess....
actually maybe i'll write about it now.
so basicly driving home at around 2 am our tire goes crazy, left rear to be exact. we pull over and the tire is shredded up, like the tred is coming off the tire. Imagine if u willl a can of pees and the label coming off... thats what our tire looked like. we call tripple A and its freezing cuz its 2 am... and all i have is my semi permaible fleece grey jacket which lets wind through like my finger poking a tissue paper.
So we freeze our butts for a while while the guy puts on this wheel barrel sized tire of a spare. Since its only a half sized spare we can only go for 50 miles on it. So we figure hey... 2 am.... no place is open to replace our tire... WTF are we gonna do... we drive to the gas station then we think a little and mess around with the stuff in the store for about an hour to kill time. then we go to denny's and eat for another hour or so and the lady their is coughing up a storm, we ask people where we can get a tire and they say sears but it doesn't open till 8. so we drive another 40 miles to bakersfield and park in the praking lot of sears and freeze or butts in the car attempting to sleep for 4 hours till 8.
at around 7:30 some lady in a truck pulls up waiting for a spare too. she leaves comes back with news that no place is open and offers us money to stay at a hotel, we decline. then at 8 sears DOES NOT OPEN cuz its thanks giving. So we call a bunch of stores in the yellow pages and all of them are closed, then payton finally finds this one mexican place. Keep a long story short, we go to acopulco tires or something and get the tire changed and then head home
All in all.. left at 11am ... arrived home at 3 pm.... 14 hours... atleast i'm home now.....
i've always had tried to have the mind set of... what if this is the last day i will see my friends... but it still isn't any easier when it happens... i found out one of my friends passed away last night... ;lakwejf;ilz;glnds...
he was a good guy... lived every day like he had no worries. Such a happy guy... i'll miss him. We used to always talk about how we had common tallents like dancing, and cutting hair. We were different... yet the same.... i'm gonna post now so su yin can read... bye maybe i'll post more later...if anything else goes wrong.. or if i find something that cheers me up. :-)
Allenini // 11:07 PM
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 corinthians 13
Allenini // 10:49 PM
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living a life without a care.. like you have nothing to loose
Allenini // 8:58 PM
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living life without knowing what its aobut...
Allenini // 8:47 PM
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Wednesday, November 26, 2003:
TV and vcr cables
Allenini // 10:33 PM
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i'm taking this one serious and for reals.... no more messing around.
Allenini // 10:19 PM
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after all that effort
wliusrtl (9:15:03 PM): do you have office 2000?
wliusrtl (9:15:07 PM): if so , bring it home
ALiuzer (9:15:07 PM): no i dont
wliusrtl (9:15:39 PM): ok.
ALiuzer (9:15:45 PM): isn't it in uncles room?
wliusrtl (9:15:48 PM): the antennae on the v60 is broken,
ALiuzer (9:15:55 PM): ueaj
wliusrtl (9:15:57 PM): do you have a replacement?
ALiuzer (9:16:13 PM): yeah
wliusrtl (9:16:22 PM): cool.
wliusrtl (9:16:51 PM): also, I don't know what I did with the charger so you might have to get a new one.
ALiuzer (9:16:57 PM): ....
wliusrtl (9:17:00 PM): but it's a very nice phone though.
Allenini // 9:15 PM
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descriptive
Theoretical
motivational...
Allenini // 9:06 PM
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show hardships and learning from them...
Allenini // 8:15 PM
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I'm a man made of stainless steel.
What you see is 100% real.
I am not your typical engineer.
I desire more from life.
To be a good husband to a loving wife.
Allenini // 8:04 PM
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Monday, November 24, 2003:
Wohenlan: should i visit her tonight?
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: if she tells u to
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: or if u have a good excuse to
Wohenlan: what if my day is incomplete without seeing her smile
Wohenlan: just kidding...
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: .. no ur not
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: haha
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: u noe u wannah see her smile
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: so juss go
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: ndtell her that
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: nd scare her
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: haha
Wohenlan: haha
Wohenlan: she'd be like.. uuhhhh... u'r a creep allen
Wohenlan: and i'd be like... i'm sorry i bothered u tiffany.. i'll go home
aZnliLBaBiEGRL: haha
Allenini // 12:27 AM
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Sunday, November 23, 2003:
http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/utada/utadafl.htm
learn this song eventually... the whole way through. haha
Loving you is easy
Cause you're beautiful
Making love with you
Is all I wanna to do
Loving you is more than
Just a dream comes ture
Cause everything that I do
Is out of loving you
La la la .....
Doo doo doo ......
No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtimes
Cause loving you
Has made my life so beautiful
( Is easy cause you're beautiful )
Every day of my life
Is filled with loving you
Loving you I see your soul
Come shining thru
Every time that we oh....
I'm more in love with you
La la la .....
Doo doo doo ......
No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtimes
Cause loving you
Has made my life so beautiful
( Is easy cause you're beautiful )
Every day of my life
Is filled with loving you
Loving you I see your soul
Come shining true
Every time that we oh....
I'm more in love with you
La la la .....
Doo doo doo ......
Allenini // 2:08 PM
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Focus: Academic Preparation
Rationale: The University seeks to enroll students who take initiative in pursuing their education (for example, developing a special interest in science, language or the performing arts; involvement in special programs including summer enrichment programs, research, or academic development programs such as EAOP, Mesa, Puente, COSMOS or other similar programs.) This question seeks to understand a student's motivation and dedication to learning.
Question: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the field developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.*
Focus: Potential to Contribute
Rationale: UC welcomes the contributions each student brings to the campus learning community. This question seeks to determine an applicant's academic or creative interests, and potential to contribute to the vitality of the University
Question: Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California.*
Focus: Open-ended
Rationale: This question seeks to give students the opportunity to share important aspects of their schooling or their lives, such as personal circumstances, family experiences and opportunities that were or were not available at their school or college, which may not have been sufficiently addressed elsewhere in the application.
Question: Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application?*
Allenini // 12:01 PM
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Saturday, November 22, 2003:
but weekends are great!
Allenini // 9:47 PM
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schools driving me insane.
Allenini // 1:02 AM
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Friday, November 21, 2003:
To loose faith in yourself is one of the worst something or others...
Allenini // 9:36 AM
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Formal report
Design Project
Applications
MAE 20 Homework
Allenini // 12:23 AM
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Wednesday, November 19, 2003:
Why do people make desicions and regret them? i dunno.
Allenini // 8:25 PM
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Tuesday, November 18, 2003:
People see so much potential in me... and then they see it wasted away.
Allenini // 8:33 PM
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I have to run... there's nothing else left to do.
Allenini // 3:49 AM
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Sometimes all i can do is just believe for another day. It's so hard to breathe, not so hard to believe.
Allenini // 3:46 AM
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You can't make someone love you, only they can choose to.
Allenini // 3:39 AM
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I'm getting the chills thinking about it... somehow i feel not as important.
Allenini // 3:38 AM
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It's hard to find someone you love, and loves you in return.
Allenini // 3:22 AM
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I'm trying to fight the breakdown...
I said i'd always smile...
I'll smile even if it hurts inside....
It hurts a little less if i smile...
Because i trick myself into being happy...
I feel a break down coming....
But i'll break it with my novacane.
Or i'll just listen to some music...
And do my homework
The break down is coming.....
I can't hold it back any longer....
I'll smile just for you..
So you wont have to worry.
Allenini // 2:13 AM
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Monday, November 17, 2003:
If you had asked me when i was 5 what i wanted to be, i would have told you i wanted to be an artist.
Allenini // 10:21 PM
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Sunday, November 16, 2003:
Or maybe i just wont bother... i'm gonna get a diary.. maybe, If i were to write in a real diary should i write the bad times too?... or do i only want to remember the good....
Allenini // 2:29 AM
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I'll try and post more happy thoughts... LoL
Allenini // 2:28 AM
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I called my mom for the first time in a while... maybe a week. I hate calling her when i'm down, cuz i don't want her to worry. I told her I got sick cuz i've been "studying too hard". Partially true i guess, well atleast thats the reason I haven't been getting better. I can feel the wave of work coming on.... Bringiet.
In other news, i'm getting a hair cut tomorrow. That means i'll be looking good for about... a day and a half at most. LoL Then its back to the normal me. Intergallactic Cosmic Joe.
Allenini // 2:27 AM
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maigirl313 (11:24:57 PM): i dunno
maigirl313 (11:25:02 PM): i just think girls are dumb
maigirl313 (11:29:59 PM): they don't know what they want
maigirl313 (11:30:05 PM): so they try to have the best of both worlds
maigirl313 (11:30:09 PM): often string people along
maigirl313 (11:30:18 PM): if one guy isn't satisfying them, they move on to the next
maigirl313 (11:30:25 PM): but the problem is, no guy will ever satisfy them
maigirl313 (11:31:00 PM): their heads have been pumped with all these stupid romantic ideals from all those chick flicks they pay 10 bucks to watch (even though they're all the same plot)
maigirl313 (11:31:20 PM): i don't know how this applies to your situation specifically
maigirl313 (11:31:20 PM): hehe
maigirl313 (11:32:19 PM): i just think there's this culture of girls thinking they can cutesy their way into and out of everything
maigirl313 (11:32:22 PM): and it's really selfish
maigirl313 (11:32:25 PM): and i see a lot of girls do that
maigirl313 (11:32:29 PM): grnted, i see guys do it too
maigirl313 (11:32:36 PM): but all in all, it just sucks
maigirl313 (11:48:22 PM): hehe, i think i lost you
Auto response from ALiuzer (11:48:22 PM): I forgot to put up an away message again...
maigirl313 (11:55:36 PM): i'm going to sign off now
maigirl313 (11:55:40 PM): i will talk to you later
maigirl313 (11:55:44 PM): call me if you wanna talk
maigirl313 (11:55:45 PM): g'nite
Allenini // 12:30 AM
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Saturday, November 15, 2003:
maigirl313 (9:49:55 PM): http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/ithinkijustlostmybest.html
maigirl313 (9:50:03 PM): http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/itmightmakeyoufeelbetter.html
Thanks merlin
Allenini // 9:57 PM
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the worst sin of age is to forget the trials of youth
Allenini // 8:33 PM
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I don't think any of these tests can actually measure my personality.... i don't fit under the norm...
Allenini // 2:13 PM
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Goal 1:
Do well in school.
Goal 2:
Never get sick again.. cuz it takes me longer than normal compared to other peopel to get better. Minus well just prevent it in the first place. Excersize and resting and eating well.
I have to take care of myself for my friends and family.
Allenini // 12:45 PM
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Something i came to on my own conclusion...before school started.... I come to UCSD to study and get an education, do well graduate with honors. I am hundreds of miles away from home for no other reason. I am deliberately leaving my family to be here for that one cause. I miss home.
Allenini // 12:33 PM
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Friday, November 14, 2003:
space space space.. space space space... weeeee. My head hurts like no other but on another note i think i did alright on that physics quiz. Its go time. Time to finish off strong... i think. no time for anything anymore, all the big projects are starting to be due, which i haven't worked on any.
Allenini // 7:46 PM
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ALiuzer (11:56:51 PM): i can't even tell if i miss her as a friend or as a g/f
If indeed i miss her as a g/f and i'm pretending to be her friend just to be close again... that would make me a bad friend.
POA. ecaps evig if things change one day and wants to be friends again. Ekat Ti, don't be stupid.
Allenini // 12:01 AM
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Thursday, November 13, 2003:
remember this day...:
Allenini // 11:34 PM
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I appolagize, I'm sorry... that this day had to come. It was inevitable the day we became more than friends. I miss the closeness and realness. Back to solidarity and being fake again to people. To see that special friend return and become just another friend... for that i am sorry.
Allenini // 11:30 PM
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If you were never going to see your friend again, what would you say to them? I've already said what i've needed to say yet i haven't said enough. I miss her.
I'm tired... going to bed, goodnight
Allenini // 8:18 PM
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I know now.... why i never do any cheezy stuff.... its cuz i want someone to fall inlove with my personality... and not the things i do cuz anyone could do that stuff, but i guess the things one does also reveals their personality... so confused. But what if the things they do were someone elses idea, and they do it just cuz thats what people do, does that reveal their personality or the originators personality. Does it mean more when I do something cheezy because its not the type of thing i do, or is it all the same cuz thats what people in general do. These questions are going no where. Lets go back in time.... to my worst night mare when i was in preschool.
So my worst night mare was going to school and then realizing i still had my daiper on and then all the kids would be staring at me and i'd be all embarrassed. But then gradually the more times i had that night mare, in the night mare i eventually just took the diaper type thing off, and put on normal pants.
I had a really weird dream last night where i spilled stuff on the quarteroy pants i got for pretty cheap, Then when this lady was cleaning them the quarteroy part started falling off on the pants and i got so embarrased, and then on top of that it fell off in the pattern of a bear. and the lady was all "So thats why they were so cheap." Dangiet, foiled again.
Hm.... sleep time.
Allenini // 6:45 PM
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Wednesday, November 12, 2003:
This is perhaps gonna be one of my essays for college. Your all probably gonna laugh at it for what i say in it, i would too knowing myself. But don't judge me for who I am, but rather for who I will become. It pains me so much to write about this day... but its something i need to do, i hope i can make i through it.
I am a second year student at UCSD studying Mechanical engineering during the fall quarter.
I am standing in the shower half dazed, recalling that day.
It is Wednesday evening, January 9th 2002.
Standing in the shower half dazed, i recal that (dreamlike word) day. My mom picks up the phone and dials the receptionist. She begins to cry... I know the worst has happened, but i can't fight back the tiers. She hands me the phone and listen. "Hi, is this is allen?..... I'm sorry to have to tell you this on the phone, but your father is deseased." My soul drops to the ground and my body is empty inside, nothign is holding me up except the sheer strength in my bones. Just like that... a simple fact... one i respected and depended on deseased... no longer in existestence. No longer here.. with me.
I recollect my soul, my guts, my inner organs and appolagize for my current state. I begin asking questions I know i must ask, " What was the cause of death? What was the time and location?"
Reaching for another phone, my mom calls my brother, currently 26 and out in the city having fun with his friends. He picks up the phone and my mother tells him that Dad is at the hospital and that we should go there right away. He says he will be there later and hangs up the phone.
My mom picks up the fone again, this time in an urgent tone... yet the same results, he is unaware of the sitatuion. She calls thre times. Slgihtly impatient, i grab the phone "Wei.... dad is dead. Go to the hospital now." He responds with an "oh, ok" This time he is the one taht calls back "Dad's dead? Are you sure he is not sick." Even though it pains me to do so, i reply to him straight forward, "Yes... dad is dead go to the hospital now." On the way to the hospital, i call my girlfriend at the time. And tell her breifly what happened. It is not till 3 days later that i would see her, and at the time i did not understand why this was the case.
For the next two weeks i am unable to attend school. But the messages and calls of support help me. Friends visited that i had not seen for years. I recieve the hugs holding back my tears, showing them that i will be able to take care of my mother.
I would say that i am actually lucky to have known my father for that long. I am thank ful to have someon to look up to and guide me for 18 years of my life, I was already on my way to college and my school grades would not have an immediate effect on my future. But to realize that all the effort he had put into my learning and how much he emphasized accademics before anything... and now he wouldn't even be able to see me graduate.... puts a great weight on my heart.
That is why living the past two years of my life without a father has been the hardest ordeal in my life to overcome. But through great pain comes great motivation. Though i may not be the brightest student on campus, i gauruntee you that I am the harderst working student. I have learned the value of being dependable from my friends and family. They were always there giving me support and letters of encouragement, that is why i have learned to depend on myself; so that others can depend on me when they need help.
Allenini // 10:45 PM
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Oiyy....i feel so sick.... I almost left during the middle of lab at night cuz i was so sick and tired... Good thing we had a short lab this time... only 80 pts vs the usual 140, but it still took 2 and a half hours to do...i think i'm gonna go to bed. i hope i can take my Midterm tomorrow.
Allenini // 9:35 PM
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tenshi mo sora kara ochiru...
even angels fall from heaven
RO
Allenini // 12:20 PM
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"I never deserved something that special to begin with."
I think i'm gonna finally start studying for MAE. I've got a little over 26 hours till the test...I've already decided that i'm eliterate so i'm not gonna read the book.... inefficient studying... hm.... but should i? ... maybe i will because its necessary. its not too late yet, and its only... 4 chapters... haha. Its Go time... weeheee!
Allenini // 11:09 AM
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Lesson one: pa·tience
The capacity, quality, or fact of being capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.
Allenini // 9:33 AM
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Never Underestimate Me.
Allenini // 3:12 AM
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003:
Music is so great.... i think thats gonna be the topic of one of my transfer essays. Its always been with me.. always will be, starting from orchestra violin, piano, guitar bass.... now to dance, and just listening to it. It helps me clear my mind...
i have to do good this quarter... i can't let myself down.... i cant be in this place anymore.... i can't stay in this state. I still remember what it was like to be myself in 6th and 7th grade... to actually care about life. When and why did my view on life change?... i can't even remember.... i'm scared to try again. But i have to.
Allenini // 10:52 PM
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My voice is gone.... but i feel less sick now.
Allenini // 10:24 PM
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Endlessly By B4-4... its a good song.. go d/l it
Late at night you call on the phone
We talk about the day
When you found out
He was cheating
You tell me that it hurts to the bone
To trust someone that way
To find that he was deceiving
And I know I've always
Just been a friend
But if you look my way
I'll make sure you never hurt again
Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you'd only see
How beautiful you and I would be
Endlessly
I remember when you fell in love
I could not believe
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above
And put my heart away
So that you could be free
I know right now,
You're broken in two
But did you know my heart's been
Broken since the day I met you
Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you
And in my sweetest dream
You'd learn to put your faith in me
Endlessly
Sometimes the thing you need is the one thing
You can't see
If you put your faith in me
How beautiful you and I would be
Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you
Allenini // 9:49 PM
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Man.... my head hurts so bad...... omg.. and its so congested, i can't pop my ears. On a nother note.. the moon looked really cool yesterday... the clowds were passing by it and ever now and then a clear patch would reveal a star or what not.
Allenini // 1:53 PM
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Monday, November 10, 2003:
xAlbhedRikkux (8:42:26 PM): your mom's here
ALiuzer (8:42:34 PM): tell my mom i said hi
xAlbhedRikkux (8:42:37 PM): :-D ok
ALiuzer (8:42:40 PM): i miss her
xAlbhedRikkux (8:42:57 PM): she says forget it
xAlbhedRikkux (8:42:59 PM): haha
xAlbhedRikkux (8:43:03 PM): lemme translate that
xAlbhedRikkux (8:43:06 PM): lol
xAlbhedRikkux (8:43:10 PM): it means "miss u too"
xAlbhedRikkux (8:43:23 PM): she was jokin in the first place, trust me!!
ALiuzer (8:43:49 PM): haha
ALiuzer (8:43:51 PM): that sux
ALiuzer (8:43:55 PM): lol
xAlbhedRikkux (8:43:58 PM): cmon allen! lol
xAlbhedRikkux (8:44:01 PM): she misses u
ALiuzer (8:44:18 PM): yeah i know.. hehe
Allenini // 9:37 PM
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I may not be fighting for you on the outside...
But i'm fighting for you in a different way...
Allenini // 8:56 PM
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Ben Harper Walk Away lyrics
(Ben Harper)
Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend
And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one
But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery
They say time will
Make all this go away
But it's time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is droppin' on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away
Allenini // 5:52 PM
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I'm so sick of PB & J. When i am down... all the pain in my life comes back to attack me. my friends will be there to help defend me...i hope i can defend myself..
Allenini // 5:49 PM
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Feeling good today... in a drunken way.
I don't know what this feeling is.... but i've felt it before... its like something from an anime. Not happy but content, not content, but motivated... Its like the sadness i feel is like a dull soarness of your muscles and knowing that the pain you feel is completely for your gain.
Allenini // 3:08 PM
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http://www.colorgenics.com//test/woods/woods.cfm
Allenini // 1:05 PM
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i have my headphones on but no music playing... this is an example of action without cause or reason
Allenini // 12:25 PM
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To let go of something thats not yours... to recreate a first love... these are some of the things that life is made of.
Allenini // 12:23 PM
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there was no reason for resentment... the funny thing is i've always forgiven you.. and you never knew it.
Allenini // 10:22 AM
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Awwweee yeah, my body is sooo soar, i can't walk without it hurting, i have to kind of wiggle my way around now, but it feels good... cuz with pain comes growth, with growth comes maturaty and wisdom, with maturity and wisdom come..... perfection..? or something
Now comes my favorite part of the song:
"Astronamy, Biology, Chemestry, Zoology. Science and Technology, its fun u see!"
Allenini // 1:08 AM
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Sunday, November 09, 2003:
I see you facing me, but i can't bare to look at you. You look at me, but i turn away. You reach for me, but i begin to run...
i can't stay here any longer, i have to get out of this place, I can't bare the pain, i have to get out of this place. I can't live like this any longer, i have to grow out of this state.
Allenini // 6:05 PM
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that jog was really tough... my body was to tired to hold my flowers that i picked... so i kept dropping them.... and having to pick them back up... and on top of that, a bumper sticker got stuck on my shoe... and i was too tired take it off.... i've had 6 sushi rolls to eat.. in the past 2 days.... i know why i do this.... cuz he constantly tells me... "if no one cares about you.. why should u care about yourself..."
Allenini // 3:19 PM
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It's when i'm scared that i see things the most clearly...
Allenini // 10:09 AM
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its the small things in life that make me smile:
maigirl313 (3:23:19 AM): take care alien
ALiuzer (3:23:22 AM): sweet dreamz merlin
Allenini // 3:22 AM
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i can't wait to be home again :-)
Allenini // 2:11 AM
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No Doubt- Don't Speak
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Allenini // 1:06 AM
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i remember why i never wanted to get involved...... its cuz when its all over... the pain reminds me of every pain i've felt in my life. I can't help but be reminded of all the circumstances my life has been through...
how ironic.. that in the end.. i was the fling.
Allenini // 12:22 AM
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I don't remember when the last time I ate was.... i'm hungry but i don't want to eat... i can see i have a self destructive personality, i think its time to eat... even if i don't want to, i want people to pitty me, but all that happens is that i pitty myself... i know i'm better than that.. food time it is.
Allenini // 12:18 AM
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Saturday, November 08, 2003:
so hard to concentrate... so easy to give up.
Allenini // 10:52 PM
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too many regrets in my life..... too many could of should of's what ifs....
Allenini // 8:23 PM
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damn.. its getting hard to fight off the depression, going to sleep doesn't work anymore since it hits me when i'm not tired now too
Allenini // 6:58 PM
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omg it hurts so much.....
Allenini // 6:58 PM
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cuz i know i'm better than that.
Allenini // 4:12 PM
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Friday, November 07, 2003:
I don't have to be like everyone else...
Allenini // 5:46 PM
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Thursday, November 06, 2003:
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?"
Allenini // 11:12 PM
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I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass
grow knee high
So won't you try to come
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
Allenini // 10:56 PM
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it feels like my life is so incomplete since my dad past away... it seems so insecure, like nothings certain anymore, nothing will always hold true forever. I can't depend on anything to stay the same. it must be late, i need to sleep.
Allenini // 1:19 AM
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Wednesday, November 05, 2003:
https://pathways.ucop.edu/pathways/Pathways?NextPage=login
RyoOhki186 (4:09:56 PM): does that work?
RyoOhki186 (4:10:43 PM): https://pathways.ucop.edu/pathways/Pathways?NextPage=login_newuser
Allenini // 4:10 PM
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Even though i say hanging out with friends is somewhat a waste of time, even though i hate to admit it, i still need my friends. That why it scares me so much when i see one of my frienships in jeopardy. Man... they should have a game show for every SAT word.. then i'd be a genious.
Allenini // 1:53 AM
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"All i wanted was a simple kind of life."
Allenini // 1:18 AM
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Today i saw a shooting star. And for a breif moment time stood still. The world passed me by, Cars drove away, people walked side by side, and I stood still. Time seized to exhist for one breif moment.. and then i came back to the world again, and continued my time dependant life as it was.
Allenini // 1:16 AM
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So... what have i been thinking recently:
Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge and became aware of their being. From then on adam and eve were aware of themselves and of themselves being naked and such and further generations would suffer because of their sin. Jesus once said, in order to enter the gates of heaven or whatever.. you have to become like a child once again.
Is adulescense the punishment of Adam and Eve's eating from the tree of knowledge? Puberty is the point where Boy becomes man and girl becomes women. Adulescense is the point where humans become more aware of themselves.
to be like a child again....
Is it better to have 1 super good friend or 100 normal friends..... 1 good friend, you will be close to .. closer than any of your 100 normal friends. Which is better. 1 good friend or 100 normal friends. If you loose that one friend.... its like loosing 100 friends. If u lose one of 100 friends.. u still have 99 normal friends.....
Allenini // 1:06 AM
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Monday, November 03, 2003:
"he causes us to loose our temper, to steel, to envy , to be jelous, to be angry, to yell at our parents, to suspect our friends, to be something we otherwise wouldn't be. And the more we let him into our lives... the more we let him take over our minds, the more he becomes a part of us."
Allenini // 5:12 PM
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"I believe there is a devil... he's attacking my mind as we speak. He lurks in the shadows waiting for night.... then when i'm tired he starts playing tricks on my mind. He makes me think the worst of human kind. He makes not trusting... and makes me paranoid. He comes to me at night when i am tired. He decieves me. I hope i can lean on my friends.... i know there is a devil."
Allenini // 4:33 AM
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Saturday, November 01, 2003:
i've been down lately i dont' know why
Allenini // 12:45 AM
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